It's a genuine question that Christians get asked. And when the question is met with curiosity rather than judgment, it's my favorite question to answer. Because when this is asked, it not only opens the door to spreading the news of Christ, but also ignites the passion for Him within you.
Personally, I start getting fired up, sitting criss-cross, ready to yap for the unforeseeable future because that is the effect He has on me — pure excitement. When you encounter Christ, it's like no other. There are not enough words to explain the feeling you get when His presence overcomes your life.
My brother and I were having a conversation about our religion the other day. He sparked the question, "Why do you believe?" and I gave the obvious reason: He saved me. But because my brain never shuts off, I started thinking more in depth. Well, why do I believe? What makes me so certain? Because I am, but why? Although faith is the topic that I could never run out of things to talk about, it can be frustrating trying to put into words how good God is. As I've previously said, no words do Him justice. It's just a feeling.
But because I've had some time to think (a 10-hour plane ride to be exact), I think I figured out an appropriate, raw answer to my brother's question: Why do you believe in God?
And it's because I've seen the contrary. I have turned away from God before, and at the time, it was exhilarating. There was not a weekend I was not at the club. The feeling of "letting loose" and not being connected to "church girl" anymore. I received validation from people I thought valued me. Lost myself completely to worldly temptations and was completely oblivious to it. I felt "understood" by people whom I surrounded myself with.
And it was fun, until it wasn't. The clubbing and drinking were always followed the next morning with hangovers and unproductivity. My body was screaming for nutrients, for exercise, but my head was pounding because of my actions the night prior. "Letting loose" embarrassed me more times than I could count. The "validation" I was receiving made me feel important for .2 seconds, and then it disappeared. Worldly temptations made me fall into a hole where the opening was too far for me to fathom. And how could I think people understood me when I was not even sure if I understood myself?
My testimony is a big part of my belief in God, but it isn't the only thing that makes me certain. What makes me believe in God is that when I finally reunited with Him; when I finally waved the flag, begging God to save me, the feeling of pure peace that followed was nothing I had felt before. And the best way I could describe the feeling is that I felt like a kid again.
I felt like the young girl who, after a long day, had lain down in a grass field, watching the clouds float by. I felt like the young girl who plucked flowers and made wishes on dandelions. The girl who felt the sun beating down on her, as her mother called her inside for dinner.
Turning back to God introduced me to my hobbies again, to beautiful connections with old and new friends, to appreciating life at a slower pace. My value was no longer found in escapes, but rather in Christ. Because I was trying to escape. I was trying to find an "easier" route to my own problems; God humbled me and reminded me to slow down.
So my answer to the burning question: I remember how I felt when I ran from God. I remember how lost, angry, and confused I was. And I wouldn't wish those feelings upon anyone, nor myself. Because when I found God again, He gave me a sense of stillness that I was seeking. I found Him, and I felt like that young girl whose only care in the world was figuring out what shape the clouds were and if they were actually moving.
Comments