May this be the season of learning to trust that the timing of it all will make sense when it is supposed to. Morgan Harper Nichols
The older you get, the more things you see in a clearer view. You take a step away from the emotional connection, and begin to think more logically. I do not know why this occurs, but I feel as if it strengthens your morals and creates a more mature version of yourself. Being independent at college, I can hardly recognize who I was a year ago. While away at school, it is almost as if you have to grow up fast and start realizing what you want to make out of yourself. You receive a lot of alone time, and with this alone time, I have come to terms with a lot of my past that created me into the person I am, today.
I have written about my support system multiple times on this site. Enough times that people are probably sick of reading about it. Bear with me in this entry if this is the case. I grew up in a household with my grandma, mother, and my older brother, Dean. My childhood was a blessing; I gained so many beautiful memories like my mother creating this gigantic snow hill in the front yard for Dean and I to sled down, waking up to my grandma making all sorts of baked goods, my mother and grandma decorating the house for Dean and I's birthday, and so much more. These three people have been my rocks throughout all my life; God knew I needed them.
However, along with the beautiful memories, my grandma and mother were also strict on Dean and I. At the time, I would have went on a tangent about how life is unfair, that they are too hard on me, and that they are always breathing down my back. Long story short, I never understood why they were so resilient on Dean and I making our beds in the morning, keeping our area tidy and our grades up, and treating people with respect when people were the opposite to us. Since I have moved out of the house, it all started to make sense. They were not tough on us just because they just felt like it; they were tough on us because they cared. They cared enough to stick it out through all the times Dean and I slammed our bedroom doors, talked back, and went against their instructions. I am sure my brother and I were not the easiest to deal with, but they felt as if it was important enough to guide us to a life we deserve.
I am almost 100% positive my friends can remember all the times I ranted, screamed, and pulled my hair out over my grandma and mother's rules of the house. They can remember the times I called them and just talked and talked and talked about how life was so unfair and that I just wanted to crawl into a hole (you know, being dramatic as ever). In some cases, I am sure it was valid, but I never attempted to take a step back and see why they were hard on me. I was always, "I'm right, they are wrong," when majority of the time, I was so mistaken.
Here is what became clear the older I got:
Everything they were strict on, had one of my present morals tied into it.
Make your bed in the morning.
This was one of my grandma's favorites. I was not to go anywhere until my bed was made, and made correctly. Meaning, the sheets had to be even, the comforter could not touch the floor, and the blanket at the end of the bed had to be folded. If my bed was not made, I could not go out. If it was made incorrectly, I had to remake it. At first, it was a pain. I despised taking five minutes fixing it every. single. morning. Until, it was no longer a chore. It became part of my routine; I started doing it unconsciously. To this day, I make my bed first thing in the morning, and I make it right.
So what became clear through this lesson? My grandma wanted to teach me the importance of habits. She wanted me to start my day off completing one task, so that my head is clear for the day. Five minutes out of your day is nothing, especially if they are used to benefit yourself. My grandma did not program this habit into my routine for the hell of it; she was hard on me because she cared. She cared that I started my day off strong, and she cared that I came home to a clean room. I do not know about you, but when I am having a horrible day, coming home to a clean area makes all the difference. As I grow older, her intentions became clearer.
Say please and thank you, and look them in the eyes.
Credit to both grandma and mom for this one. "Use your manners," and "What do you say?" were a constant in the house. Since Dean and I were younger, we were directed to say it to anyone and everyone. If we forgot, we were reminded. If we were being stubborn and refused to say it, we were reminded. If something was sent in the mail, we sent a thank you note back. It was frustrating at times because if I was in an argument with them, the last thing I wanted to be was polite. But of course, I was always reminded to say it. My mother is an English teacher, so you can already imagine how many times she looked at me and said, "I don't know, can you?" when I should have said, "May I?". Eye contact was a biggie; I was taught it means a whole lot more when you can look someone in the eyes.
So what became clear with the constant urging to be polite, use manners, and make eye contact? They were not reminding us or forcing us to say it to be a pain; they taught us so that we can show respect. They taught us this valuable lesson so we can build healthy relationships, be respectful to authorities, and to live by the golden rule. Treat others the way we wish to be treated. They cared enough to teach us the importance of being kind, and for that, I will always be grateful.
Do your chores, but no allowance.
Both my grandma and mother are so giving. They give and give and give, and expect nothing in return. The amount of times they have bent over backwards to gift us things we yearned for is insane. My brother's chores consisted of: mowing the grass, cleaning the gutters, carrying the laundry basket down, making his bed, putting his clothes away, and occasionally vacuuming the house. My chores consisted of: emptying the dishwasher, planting the flowers and sweeping the sidewalks, occasionally carrying the laundry basket down, making my bed, putting my clothes away, and vacuuming the majority of the time. However, we were never given allowance. My brother and I, of course being young, made those small comments like, "Where is our allowance?" or "Why do we not get paid for this?" because we did not understand the purpose behind chores if we did not receive something in return.
So what became clear with this lesson? Actually, multiple things. 1. Do not expect things in return. Do things out of the kindness of your heart. You do not need to receive praise or materialistic items in return for helping people, especially helping those who give you everything already. 2. Responsibility. Dean and I had certain chores to complete at specific times; they taught us responsibility and staying committed to a task. As I previously said, my grandma and mother are the most giving people. They may not have given us allowance, but they gave us memories, road trips, Lego sets and Littlest Pet Shop action figures, etc. Their intentions became clear the older I got.
No makeup.
My mom was strict with this. I was not to wear makeup until a certain age. I did not even own a straightener until eighth grade. She was always stern on not altering my appearance; she never understood the desire to change my features. In middle school, the girls started to wear makeup and style their hair, and I was always so envious. I wanted to wear the eyeshadow; I wanted my poofy hair to be pin straight. It was not until around eighth grade where I was allowed to purchase makeup. I fought my mother on this a whole lot, and I am sure she can remember. In fact, I went behind her back once and purchased a concealer that was way too orange for my skin tone. As I reflect back, I looked silly with my eyebags being ten times darker than the rest of my face.
So what became clear with the no makeup rule? I do not need to change who I am or what I look like to fit in. Do not get me wrong, once I was gifted my first makeup pallet, I fell in love with the beauty world and I still do my makeup and hair to this day. However, I understand why my mother did not want me to get into that at a young age. I started growing up; I started caring about people's opinions of what I looked like or if my eyeliner was even. So much to the point where I depended on people to tell me if I was enough. My childhood was pure; I did not care what people thought of me or if I looked presentable. If I got into makeup earlier, I would have 1. grown up too fast and 2. faced society's standards when I was not prepared enough (and 3. just look straight up dumb, like orange concealer, c'mon...).
Groundings, and a whole lot of them.
My favorite...well, not at the time. Credit goes to grandma for this one. My mother grounded me, but rarely did she follow through with it. I remember losing my mind over the discipline my grandma gave me with the groundings. Whether it was taking my iPod, DS, iPad, no TV, no going out with friends, no playing outside, etc., I despised it all. I remember thinking it was the end of the world, but in reality, she gave me ample opportunities to find other ways of entertainment. The biggest grounding I had was for two months for my room being dirty, and yeah, it was difficult, but insightful. Over that time, I was able to spend a lot of time with myself and discover new hobbies.
So what became clear? She grounded me to teach me discipline. She showed me I do not get everything I want, that there is life outside of electronics, and especially that life is hard. While being grounded, I wrote a ton, I ran or roller skated at parks, I bonded with Dean, I listened to music, etc. I was given opportunities to find positivity in the hard times. Nowadays, this lesson is so important to keep in mind, and I could not have developed this if it was not for her. Yes, being grounded is not fun, but if we are keeping a clear mind--my bratty, stubborn younger self, needed the discipline.
As I continue to grow older, my past is starting to add up. I see things in a different perspective, I have better relationships with my community, I realize what I am worth, etc. Never rush to grow up; your childhood is important. Spend it playing outside, staying off social media and away from society's standards, and making fun memories. You do not need to reflect so much on your future or what you want to make of yourself just yet. I wish I could go back and relive certain aspects of my childhood. However, I am in the time of my life where I can reflect and create the person I aim to be.
If you are around my age, I highly recommend thinking back to all the times you struggled or all the lessons you were taught, and see how they correspond to the current time. What life lessons were secretly behind certain difficulties you were forced to bear? What morals developed? I am positive there are a few events that shaped who you are today. Whether it is negative or positive, self-realization is everything.
I owe the biggest "thank you" to my grandma and mother. They not only had to put up with two rowdy kids, but they are the reason Dean and I are the people we are. They taught us gratitude, respect, compassion, forgiveness, and to see life in a beautiful, limitless way. To this day, they support us and our endeavors; they encourage us to do something worthwhile and chase our dreams. Although I may not have seen the purpose to their strictness and rules back then, I sure do understand now. The older you get, I can assure you, the clearer things become.