"And I realized that their underestimating me, who I was had nothing to do with it." Ted Lasso
When I was a senior in high school, I took this elective called Pursuit of Happiness. The initial reason I registered for this class was that I figured it would be an easy A. Afterall, it was senior year and the last thing I wanted was to sign up for classes like calculus or any class with the word "stats" involved. I spent freshman year all the way to junior year pulling both my hair and my mother's hair out stressing about classes that would look fantastic on my transcripts for college. Senior year was my blow-off year. Not only did Pursuit of Happiness sound simple, it was also being taught by one of my favorite teachers, so I had no doubt--I was taking it. And boy, am I happy I did.
You start the class off with quiet time. Quiet time is exactly what you can picture; the room is quiet for 10-15 minutes. You have the option to put your head down and take a quick nap, color, or just stare off. Now, it was my first class of the day, so I am certain you can take a guess on what option I went with at 7:30 am. After quiet time, you are given an assignment. These assignments range from journaling, creating music playlists, reflections, chatting with friends or the teacher, etc. It was a fairly laid back class, but he had one rule. You are not allowed to use your phone. My teacher emphasized that nowadays technology consumes everything and anything, and that if you cannot take one hour out of your day to put the screen aside, there is an issue that needs to be resolved. This not only helped me start off the day without my face in my phone, but it also encouraged me to build friendships around me. It is so easy to avoid conversation when you find comfort within your device, but my teacher aimed for the class to be a family-like atmosphere.
The assignments were enlightening. I remember putting in so much effort, even though most of the work was graded off completion. But that is just the thing, when you give work to students that ask them about their well-being or is based off interest, you are not going to receive work based on completion, you are going to receive work that students poured their heart into. He was one of those teachers that let students vent; who let students come into his classroom for lunch if they did not have anyone to sit with; he gave students multiple chances if he felt like they had not reached their maximum potential. This being explained, students felt as if he could trust him, and I am sure there were assignments that tugged at his heart. Certain assignments might have been used as an opportunity for students to let everything out. The elective was, yes, an easy A, but it was not an easy A because it was easygoing. It was an easy A because I had never put so much effort into my work until that course.
A lecture that still sits with me today, that I think about constantly when I fall into a cycle of judgement is a Ted Lasso Tuesday lecture. What is a Ted Lasso Tuesday? My teacher had a fondness for the show, Ted Lasso, developed by Jason Sudeikis, Bill Lawrence, Brendan Hunt, and Joe Kelly. The tv series was about a man named Ted Lasso (go figure), who knew nothing about soccer, but was thrown into a situation where he needed to coach an England's premier league. Every Tuesday, my teacher played an episode of this show, and to say all of our eyes were glued to the screen would be an understatement. We were eager to watch, and we were all interacting and conversating about it. However, this one episode have been imprinted in my head since. In season 1, Episode 8, "Ted Lasso Reacts https://youtu.be/oZ4YSXv6Xkg," Lasso restates Walt Whitman's quote, "Be curious. Not judgmental," and that simple quote needs to be said more often. I encourage you to watch the short scene by clicking on the link.
I have a fear of emetophobia, the fear of vomit. It sounds silly to those who consider this a normal, inevitable occurrence. For me, I would do anything if it meant I would not get sick. It has been a fear of mine for as long as I can remember, and as many times that I have tried to overcome it, it has not gone away. It has caused problems in my everyday life, restraining me from eating certain foods or going certain places. It is common for people to think it is ridiculous and tell me, "Just get over it, you're going to have to throw up eventually," but if I were able to have a sit down conversation and explain to the furthest extent what this phobia entails, I know that the comments would disappear. It is easier to judge than understand. It takes time out of the day to comprehend why something is the way that it is, but it takes zero effort to assume. To paint the picture better: my best friend, Julianna, knows everything there is to know about emetophobia. She and I had a whole conversation about all the little things it prevents me from doing or eating, she knows what I consider safe and unsafe, and she took the time to understand how the phobia surfaced. She has never once belittled me or invalidated it. When she and I are with someone and it comes up, the initial question that is asked is, " Wait, you're afraid of throw up?" which is understandable because they are curious, but before I can reply, Julianna is generally quicker and says, "It is much more than just that," before judgment follows. She took the time to be curious, and she understands way more because of that.
It is a human tendency to be judgmental. It happens at a snap of your fingers. I am guilty of it, and there are times I catch myself and reevaluate that it is probably way more extensive than what I make it out to be. The beauty of curiosity is that it leads to knowledge. You gain more with asking questions and figuring out "why" rather than finding comfort in the picture you created. I understand when there are moments where you cannot be curious and ask, but in those circumstances, remember that there is probably way more than what meets the surface. Remind yourself that there is always a reason, and give people the chance to live without the fear of being unheard. I know there has been a time in your life where you have been perceived wrong. Think back on how you felt, and how if that person would have just asked, the whole feeling could have been avoided.
We live in a world where we crave to fit in. And when something is not "normal" or in other words, what we are not used to, it is considered weird. It is not only harmful to your own mental health, but also to theirs's. You teach yourself pessimism and raise yourself to a higher ground, and you teach them that being themselves is an issue. Yes, it is okay to have opinions and a different taste, but when it is being ridiculed, that is where a line should be drawn. You are entitled to your own view, but if you are sharing your opinion in a negative, dominant way, I firmly believe to keep certain things to yourself.
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Matthew 7:1-2.