Observe, Stop Absorbing
- Leah Nash
- Oct 13
- 4 min read
Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. Colossians 4:6
In the Bible, about twenty-two verses emphasize the importance of controlling your words; eight of these verses belong to the book of Proverbs (my current read).
A little fun fact about me: I was mute until three, almost four, years old, but by choice, not by chance. The only times I would speak would be if I were talking to my mother or if I saw an airplane. My uncle would constantly try to bribe me with my favorite things, usually, his tactic was candy, but I did not budge. Instead, I gave him my puppy eyes, and like the big softie he was (and still is), he always obliged. My brother, on the other hand, could not shut up. He was constantly talking, so nowadays, we tend to joke around that he spoke enough for both of us.
I find it quite ironic that I did not speak much when I was younger, given that one of my morals today is to bite my tongue when I am led by emotion. My three-year-old self and I would get along immensely. We both know the appropriate time to talk, or if talking is even needed. For those reading this entry who may not reach the end to gain my full input, I'll leave you with this: "Do your words heal or harm?"
But Leah, communicating is essential.
Yes! It sure freaking its! Effective communication is, indeed, essential. In an article provided by Stevenson University, there are two major necessities in a conversation: understanding nonverbal cues and listening. Nonverbal cues reveal true emotions, making them useful when words do not align with what is being expressed. Obtaining effective listening skills may be the most important. Being able to hear the tone of voice, particular words, and the quality of speech goes beyond hearing what you want to hear. Some people listen because they are curious, not because they want to figure out a solution. Read more at: https://www.stevenson.edu/online/about-us/news/importance-effective-communication/
It is not so much communicating that is essential, but comprehending that is.
You cannot avoid your problems by avoiding talking about them.
I've received this comment a few times, and while I understand where it is coming from, let me take a moment to share my perspective. The word "avoid" — hmm, that’s what trips me up. I believe it's far more important to approach a situation with a calm attitude than to rush into it and risk saying something wrong, especially when considering the advice from Colossians 4:6. I don’t mind if it takes months; I’ll sit with my thoughts and only engage when my logic has the upper hand over my emotions. As someone who tends to be emotionally driven, I know my communication is much clearer when my logic is leading the conversation.
Other people's communication methods are different.
I believe this is an excellent way to test the strength of healthy relationships by recognizing and understanding different communication styles. Whether you're an upfront communicator or a more reflective one, both parties need to appreciate where the other is coming from. If you're someone who communicates bluntly, it's important to be that way, but you also cannot expect the other person to match your energy. On the flip side, if you're a reflective communicator, it's also crucial to recognize that others cannot always wait for you to process everything before responding.
When I was three years old, my vocabulary consisted mostly of "mama" and "airplane," and that was about it. It would drive my family crazy because when I wanted something, I'd either point or use my facial expressions to communicate. I was a girl of few words, but my actions spoke volumes. In times of conflict, I find myself reverting to that little girl — the one who chooses silence over speaking. I fear saying the wrong thing and causing lasting harm more than I fear someone's perception of me being changed because I didn’t handle the situation the way they expected. As James 3:5 reminds us, "The tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do."
As you read this, I’m sure you can recall a time when someone’s words cut you deeply, leaving a mark that you still think about from time to time. You probably wish they had just kept quiet, right? The truth is, what comes out of someone’s mouth reveals so much, which is why it's so important to take the time to ensure your words are healing, not hurting. It’s easy to let emotion take over, but emotions often lead to anger, bitterness, and a desire to be understood. On the other hand, approaching conflict with logic gives you the chance to see the other person's perspective and observe without absorbing the negativity.
So, how would I recommend healthy communication?
Learn about each other. Learn what their communication method is, and learn how to adapt to it.
Listen; you'll be surprised by how much you learn about someone when you let them ramble.
Watch for body language. As mentioned before, actions tell all.
Let logic overpower emotion.
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