"What pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for?" Mark Manson in The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
I am all about self-improvement and figuring out ways to make myself better physically and emotionally. Hence, the whole reason I even began this blog. I truly believe it should be in everyone's best interest to outrun who they were yesterday or who they were a year ago. Your motivation should lie within yourself; you have all the capability in the world to change yourself for the better. I am finding new ways everyday to create the best version of myself, and you already know I want to share my techniques. My new found love is this particular self-care book: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson. I know, catchy title. You might be like, "Leah, I despise reading, you will not persuade me to open this book," but listen. I used to be a humongous book-nerd. I went to my local library every week and rented out novels (yes, plural), and would read all of them just in time to head back and rent more the following week. It was a continuous cycle; I had a library card and book trackers with fancy stickers and everything. My vocabulary was impressive for a ten-year-old, and I did very well in elementary and middle school (I blame the books). Then, I got distracted with life and a new school with new friends, and did not pick up a single book unless it was for academic reasons for all four years of high school. I could not even tell you what happened to my library card.
The past summer, I struggled with a hard difficulty and was trying to find any and all ways to distract me from the hard truths my life continuously slammed in my face. One of these distractions just so happened to be self-improvement books. You know, the ones that are designed to tell you that you are on the right path, keep your head up, and that you will be just fine. Yes, it was comforting and these words of affirmation are everything in a time of need. However, I stumbled across Mark Manson's "self-care" book and my world was flipped upside down. It is not a typical "live life to the fullest" book, but instead a "get up off your lazy ass and work for the life you want," kind. Manson expresses so much tough love that will make you understand that your life has room for improvement and that you are not even close to the finish line.
I can go on a tangent off all the quotes or phrases my jaw has dropped over in just the thirty-nine pages I have read (out of two-hundred and six), but I will refrain from doing so...for now. I purchased this book in the beginning of the year, and although I should have been done with it in the first couple of days, classes began and I had set the book down for a time being. The last thing I read about was that happiness in itself is a problem. Manson writes about how life revolves around problems. Whether they are good or bad, problems exist solely for us to solve, and I completely agree.
"Because happiness requires struggle. It grows from problems." Mark Manson.
As I was reading this chapter, I was a pre-veterinary medicine major with a minor in creative writing. Since I was a junior in high school, my mind was set on animals for my future. No matter how many family members or friends looked at me and tried to explain all the aspects that correlates with being a vet, my mind was already made. For some reason, Manson changed my mindset, well, sort of. In chapter two, page thirty-six under Choose Your Struggle, Manson states, "What pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for?". In other words: was I in love with the journey of becoming a vet, or was I in love with the image of being one? That was theoretical; I was only focused on the result. Manson continues to go on with examples such as, you want an amazing physique, but do not wish to struggle in the gym or constrict yourself to healthy living; and you may want to start your own business, but do not wish to take risks or experience failure.
This whole chapter was so eye-opening. I yearned to be a vet, but I despised the idea of studying science. Yes, I knew I was not an excellent student in science, but I went into college with the mindset, "I will learn to love it." I could not have been more wrong. Sure, you can force yourself to go into a field, but this whole past semester, I was miserable in my science class (just ask my friends, they got an earful after every class). You can only fool yourself for so long. After reading Manson's words, I connected the dots to what had me so stressed. It was not the fact that I was unable to do well in the class, but it was moreover the fact that I did not want to. Anyone can sit in a room, learn the material, and excel in their class; however, it is different in the sense of whether you enjoy what you are learning. I had to come to terms with the fact that I was not in love with the journey. Veterinary medicine was not the struggle I wanted, and I believe that it never was. My heart was not fully into it.
While studying my major at college, I found myself wanting to take classes regarding my minor more; my minor being creative writing (go figure). In previous entries, I have voiced my hatred for change. Change has never came easy to me, but it is also the biggest leader to growth. If you want to grow, I hate to break it to you, but you have to get out of your comfort zone. I decided to push veterinary medicine out of the picture and put my whole focus and dedication into writing. The struggles of determining what to write about, if I am using proper grammar, whether you italicize or underline certain pieces of work, etc. were the struggles I was and am still willing to solve, not whether something is biotic or abiotic, or the formulas to record a population of species.
Think about it:
If you were to go into a life-changing surgery and you had to choose between two doctors, would you:
A. Want someone who has a passion for saving lives and whom dedicated their entire life to the field.
or B. Want someone who got the job because they knew they would live lavishly.
Choose your struggle, as Mark Manson would say. This is not about quitting or failing, but instead, figuring out what you want to spend the rest of your life doing. I do not know about you, but I would much rather do something with my life that I enjoy and that will make me satisfied, rather than being stuck doing something I see as a chore. There are people out there who are phenomenal veterinarians, but they devote their time to the journey, and I know that I was never fully capable of doing the same.
I changed my major to professional technical writing. I am debating between a few minors, but I have a few meetings lined up to give me some insight. I have always beamed about writing and the love I have for it. In fact, I talked so highly about it that when I told a few family members and peers that I switched majors, they were not surprised at all. I wrote an entry about how mothers know best, and that my mother has never failed to be right about an important feature in my life. Low and behold, she was right about this as well. She explained to multiple friends of mine and other relatives that she "just does not think this path is right," but she never expressed this to me directly. She always encouraged and motivated me to be a veterinarian. The day I called to tell her that pre-veterinary medicine was not the route for me, "I could have called that a year ago," was the first thing she said. Deep down, I had a feeling. After all, I put creative writing as my minor because I knew it would be a great back-up plan.
My point to this entry: think about your dream. Reflect over the journey. Are you in love with the challenges? Are you willing to struggle? You may love your future career, but that means you also have to love the smaller aspects. Do not assume that the reward will be handed to you because you are in for quite the treat if that is your mindset. No career or adventure is handed to you. You will have to struggle, but again, you are capable of choosing your struggle.
There is a difference that I would like to expand on. I previously stated that I kept believing I could make myself appreciate science. People are skillful enough to do this. If you are dedicated to something, you can put your mind to it. You will know if a certain path is yours to take. Like seriously, you can tell when something is draining you or amplifying your life. I had no desire to dedicate my time to pre-veterinary medicine. When I should have been studying for biology exams, I was spending hours creating blog entries. Think about what you prioritize--that is where you will find your calling. Most of the time, what you desire is right in front of your face. As I always say, life is about taking risks. I strongly encourage you to reflect on what you really want and go after it.
Let's say you base your life solely on fame, fortune, and power. Let's say you achieve everything you ever hoped for. You become a billionaire, you walk the red carpet, and you have millions of people who look up to you. But, you drain yourself trying to get there. You drop your passions, you drop your desires, you drop your dreams. Do you honestly still believe you will be fulfilled? "I will be a billionaire, Leah, of course I will," but there are people who have everything and are still just as miserable. What makes you feel like it would be different for you? If you want to become rich and famous, at least become rich and famous from doing something you love, not from something you know will get you to the top of the food chain.
Stop focusing on the reward; stop chasing after a dream that is not yours. If your heart is not fully into it, you will live a life that is not under your control. Be so present with who you are and what you desire that you know what will benefit you. So, what should you reflect on from this entry?
What struggle is a struggle that you are willing to bear?
Is the path you are on dedicated for the right reasons and to benefit you?
Is your heart truly into it?